True Love

What is true love? Does it ever really exist between two people? I have heard about the bursting, unconditional love new parents feel for their new born child. However, this is not the type of love I have been thinking about lately, because I do not doubt the feelings family members have for each other. My question revolves around the issue of marriage and love for a significant other. Up until recently, I believed in true love, and waiting until you found your perfect match. I thought that broken marriages occur because the couple was not right for each other. Now I am doubting my beliefs a little...

I don't know if this slightly cynical attitude is just me growing up, and realizing that life is not a fairytale? Perhaps it has to do with the Christian Theology course on marriage and human sexuality that I took this term. The Catholic Church really drives home the fact that romantic love will always break down between two people eventually, and that couples have to make the choice to stay with each other and remain faithful. These choices must be made before the marriage even occurs, so once the difficult times come, there is no other option than to commit to make it through them together.

Don't get me wrong, I always knew that any relationship, especially marriage, took work, but I had always thought that it should add more happiness to a person's life than it did take away from a life. So many of my peers seem unhappy in their marriages or long term relationships. I had always thought this was due to the fact that many people seem to "settle" for someone, so they don't have to be alone. I have always prided myself on my independant nature, and the fact that I would rather be single than settle for someone I have mediocore feelings for. Now I wonder if that is just a dream, perpetuated from childhood, where little girls dream of finding their "prince charming" and marrying them at a fairytale inspired wedding. Maybe that is why our divorce rate is so high these days. People are expecting to find true love and the perfect relationship, and when the glow wears off after marriage, and they see it is not what they dreamed, it is easy to get a divorce to keep looking for the "perfect" love. Is society's obession with weddings and love leading to the end of relationships, instead of making people happier? Perhaps our parents and grandparents had it right; they married their partner quite young and often after only short courtships, and their duty in life was to make it work with them. I definitely think the couples making it to silver and golden wedding anniversaries are going to decline dramatically over the next generation. But is it better now that people feel they don't have to settle in an unhappy marriage for the next fifty years, because divorce and remarriage are now readily accepted? Many people would argue that this is better because people are not repressing their unhappy feelings anymore, and feel they deserve to find true love. But have things gone too far? The divorce rate is just under 50%, and most couples who do divorce, make it to ten years or less in marriage. I feel it would be nice to see couples fight harder for their relationships, instead of using divorce as a solution.

This discussion brings me back to my initial question. Does true love exist? Or is it our job to pick someone we are compatible with and make it work no matter how hard it seems? I always thought two people in love shouldn't have to try so hard to make it work...

Blane

If you would have talked to me about six years ago about children, I would have laughed and said "who needs those?" In my younger years, I was definitely not a "kid" person, never babysitting or taking much interest in babies or little ones. Boy, do things change! At 26 years old, I have discovered my maternal instinct. Lookout now! Perhaps it was preciptated by the birth of my nephew, Blane, just about 2 1/2 years ago. I think I fell in love with him the moment my brother brought him out of the birthing suite to show him off to us. That love has only grown stronger throughout the last couple years. He is not even my child, but I would do anything for him. When he comes over to our house, we have "dance parties" (the boy just loves to dance), we hide from Dad under the covers in bed, and other fun activities. When Blane goes home and his mom shows him pictures of the family, he always giggles when he sees my picture. Hilarious, that he can associate my face with all the fun we have when he comes over. The other day he was playing in my sister's room, which is very girly, and artsy fartsy. The perfect playground for a two year old! He stared at every piece of decorating she had, gazed at her scads of jewellery, and even put on beads and necklaces. The jewellery and glittery make-up he put on his arm made quite a sight for him in the mirror. He could not stop looking at himself as he cooed "pretty". We all had a good laugh at the innocence of little children before they learn what is socially acceptable behavior for their gender. I can't wait to give him his purple Carebear, with pink hair ties for Christmas!! Ha ha. It will go well with his "mighty machines", diggers and dump trucks!

I definitely see the whole, other dimension children bring to a person's life. I find it truly amazing, how even one little kid can consume your thoughts, emotions, and life. I can only imagine what having two or three is like. I understand now how people can lose their personal identity to their children, as many housewives identities are wrapped up in their role as mothers. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, just that now I undestand how it can happen. I so look forward to seeing Blane, as spending time with him takes me back to such a simple time of my life, where I can act like a child, and forget about the everyday stresses and just be "Auntie Shannon". These new experiences has gotten me to appreciate children, their innocence and what they bring to our lives. I look forward to the day when I may have my own.