The Ramblings of a Mature Student

These days, I find myself pondering the meaning of life and all that happens within the years of our living. Perhaps this is because I am older and more mature, and beginning to wonder where my life is going to take me. At 25 years of age, I am slightly older than many of my university comrades who have arrived just out of high school. I realize that I am by no means considered too "old" to be here, but some days I feel old! This could be because many of my peers are finished school, have jobs, houses, spouses...basically they have lives! I have school work and studying! I never pictured myself as a person who bends to social constructions or norms regarding the make-up of society, rather I fancied myself to have a fierce independant streak, breaking the rules wherever they may constrain me. Ha! These little tidbits that are ingrained in us from children are starting to chip away at my self-realization a tad bit. I am starting to feel a little worried that I am not close to marriage or even a seriously committed relationship. I feel self-conscious that I still live at home, even if it is a financially sound decision keeping me out of taking student loans. I look at my little nephew and feel the maternal stirrings of someone who wants to be a mother someday. I will be 26 years old in under two months and my identity is still fixed in the role of a student! I know I should be enjoying my youth, freedom, and little responsibility while I can, because once a husband and kids set in, I will probably be wishing for some of my old life back. But that is the dilemma of being young, isn't it? We want to grow up so fast and have everything perfect at once. Then when we get what we want, we either want more, or we wish back all the things we took for granted in the past. Perhaps if I could just see into the future and know my life is heading in the direction I want it to be, I could relax and enjoy what I have right now!