True Love

What is true love? Does it ever really exist between two people? I have heard about the bursting, unconditional love new parents feel for their new born child. However, this is not the type of love I have been thinking about lately, because I do not doubt the feelings family members have for each other. My question revolves around the issue of marriage and love for a significant other. Up until recently, I believed in true love, and waiting until you found your perfect match. I thought that broken marriages occur because the couple was not right for each other. Now I am doubting my beliefs a little...

I don't know if this slightly cynical attitude is just me growing up, and realizing that life is not a fairytale? Perhaps it has to do with the Christian Theology course on marriage and human sexuality that I took this term. The Catholic Church really drives home the fact that romantic love will always break down between two people eventually, and that couples have to make the choice to stay with each other and remain faithful. These choices must be made before the marriage even occurs, so once the difficult times come, there is no other option than to commit to make it through them together.

Don't get me wrong, I always knew that any relationship, especially marriage, took work, but I had always thought that it should add more happiness to a person's life than it did take away from a life. So many of my peers seem unhappy in their marriages or long term relationships. I had always thought this was due to the fact that many people seem to "settle" for someone, so they don't have to be alone. I have always prided myself on my independant nature, and the fact that I would rather be single than settle for someone I have mediocore feelings for. Now I wonder if that is just a dream, perpetuated from childhood, where little girls dream of finding their "prince charming" and marrying them at a fairytale inspired wedding. Maybe that is why our divorce rate is so high these days. People are expecting to find true love and the perfect relationship, and when the glow wears off after marriage, and they see it is not what they dreamed, it is easy to get a divorce to keep looking for the "perfect" love. Is society's obession with weddings and love leading to the end of relationships, instead of making people happier? Perhaps our parents and grandparents had it right; they married their partner quite young and often after only short courtships, and their duty in life was to make it work with them. I definitely think the couples making it to silver and golden wedding anniversaries are going to decline dramatically over the next generation. But is it better now that people feel they don't have to settle in an unhappy marriage for the next fifty years, because divorce and remarriage are now readily accepted? Many people would argue that this is better because people are not repressing their unhappy feelings anymore, and feel they deserve to find true love. But have things gone too far? The divorce rate is just under 50%, and most couples who do divorce, make it to ten years or less in marriage. I feel it would be nice to see couples fight harder for their relationships, instead of using divorce as a solution.

This discussion brings me back to my initial question. Does true love exist? Or is it our job to pick someone we are compatible with and make it work no matter how hard it seems? I always thought two people in love shouldn't have to try so hard to make it work...

Blane

If you would have talked to me about six years ago about children, I would have laughed and said "who needs those?" In my younger years, I was definitely not a "kid" person, never babysitting or taking much interest in babies or little ones. Boy, do things change! At 26 years old, I have discovered my maternal instinct. Lookout now! Perhaps it was preciptated by the birth of my nephew, Blane, just about 2 1/2 years ago. I think I fell in love with him the moment my brother brought him out of the birthing suite to show him off to us. That love has only grown stronger throughout the last couple years. He is not even my child, but I would do anything for him. When he comes over to our house, we have "dance parties" (the boy just loves to dance), we hide from Dad under the covers in bed, and other fun activities. When Blane goes home and his mom shows him pictures of the family, he always giggles when he sees my picture. Hilarious, that he can associate my face with all the fun we have when he comes over. The other day he was playing in my sister's room, which is very girly, and artsy fartsy. The perfect playground for a two year old! He stared at every piece of decorating she had, gazed at her scads of jewellery, and even put on beads and necklaces. The jewellery and glittery make-up he put on his arm made quite a sight for him in the mirror. He could not stop looking at himself as he cooed "pretty". We all had a good laugh at the innocence of little children before they learn what is socially acceptable behavior for their gender. I can't wait to give him his purple Carebear, with pink hair ties for Christmas!! Ha ha. It will go well with his "mighty machines", diggers and dump trucks!

I definitely see the whole, other dimension children bring to a person's life. I find it truly amazing, how even one little kid can consume your thoughts, emotions, and life. I can only imagine what having two or three is like. I understand now how people can lose their personal identity to their children, as many housewives identities are wrapped up in their role as mothers. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, just that now I undestand how it can happen. I so look forward to seeing Blane, as spending time with him takes me back to such a simple time of my life, where I can act like a child, and forget about the everyday stresses and just be "Auntie Shannon". These new experiences has gotten me to appreciate children, their innocence and what they bring to our lives. I look forward to the day when I may have my own.

Stephen King Rules!!

Wow!! I went to see Stephen King's "The Mist" on Saturday night. What a movie! And not in the regular, formulaic horror movie sense of the word. King does horror like no one else. Although "The Mist" was suspenseful and slightly gruesome at times, the main point of the storyline said something far more important about humanity. Perhaps that it is why the fourteen year olds walked out of the movie saying it "sucked." They just didn't get it! I don't want to ruin the ending or most of the storyline for people who haven't seen the movie yet, but it really makes a point about humans and science. When is enough going to be enough for us? What has to happen to humanity before scientists will pull back on the limits they are pushing? Probably not until it is too late, is King's analysis.

The movie got my sister and I talking about this subject on a larger scale. She told me that one of her clients told her they are cloning racehorses and show horses already! Omigod! The motivation is purely money! Why pay half a million dollars or more for a horse with good parents, because the good genes may or may not be passed down. Instead, let's just clone the prize winning horses because we already know they will be successful! Sick, sick! We may as well just start cloning the smartest, most athletic people in the world to eradicate the ills of society, such as poverty and homelessness. What is our existence coming to? People who get their "rocks off" on playing God are going to be the downfall of this planet, one way or another! The ethics of policy makers are slowly being loosened, as every five or ten years, scientists do something they never would have dreamed about in the past. I can hardly wait to see what another ten years of science and decisions will bring!

Tanorexia

I think I have tanorexia. Could there even be such a word? I don't know. All I know is that I quite enjoy going to the tanning beds when I cannot get natural sunlight. I just got back from a tanning session tonight, and I sat down to think about how it makes me feel. Why I would actually take the time and money to leave my house and drive to the tanning salon. Simply put, it makes me feel good about myself. I like the look of tanned skin, and I feel more energized after the vitamin D and UV exposure.

The appeal of tanned skin is an interesting question in itself. Tanning is such a societal construction of beauty. In the victorian times, white skin was seen as beautiful because it meant that you were wealthy and didn't have to work in the sun. But this seems more about status than actual beauty. In a world where social status is not blatantly obvious, tanned skin is seen more beautiful on anyone than really white skin. I think it is because we associate the sun with being healthy, and being outdoors and active. Someone who has a healthy looking glow looks like they spend time outdoors playing sports or doing yard work.

All I know is that after a week of not tanning, I start to feel the itch that I had better go and get some "sun".

Alberta Pride

A small part of the pride I feel in being an Albertan has been taken away from me forever, as a result of the outside report done on the tar sands, published in the "Guardian". I knew the basic facts about Fort McMurray, such as it being extremely over run with workers, money, and problems of drug and alcohol abuse. I assumed that there must be some environmental effects of oil production, but they were never put into perspective for me. And that is exactly what the Alberta government wants! I think most people would be horrified to find out the facts of tar sand production, and perhaps there would be more support for environmental issues than there presently is.

One barrel of natural gas and water is needed to produce one barrel of crude oil??? Are people nuts?? Countries like Australia are in a constant state of drought and water conservation, and we use enough water in one day to service a city of a million people? Do people not realize that water is a non-renewable resource? The fact that the water ponds holding the tainted water can be seen from space is crazy!! People should think about the day there is no water to irrigate crops, or there is no viable water for drinking. The widespread panic and destructive effects on civilization will be devastating! Do people really think it cannot happen? The human race is good at "sticking their head in the sand" and pretending that everything will work out for the best. Perhaps it is the realization that many of these users will be dead before the effects are felt by humanity, but they should feel for their children, who may be the victims of famine, drought, and other little nasties.

Sometimes I wonder why the large environmental organizations such as Green Peace, do not take more active measures to fix the problem. I guess they do not want to suffer the major effects of actions that the majority of society do not support anyways. Also, the possibility of human casualities and injuries is not attractive either, as these tar sand productions go around the clock. Green Peace staged a little protest on the high level bridge Monday afternoon. They rappelled off the bridge and hung a banner, supporting the shut down of the oil sands to meet Kyoto requirements. I totally understood their issues, as a result of just reading the "Guardian" article for class. I think the benefit that they had on the general public was nil, because they did not explain the issues at all. Most Albertans hear the statement "shut the tar sands down" and they laugh and say "yea right". That is why an article such as the one done in the UK is needed here. Albertans may not be so quickly to laugh when they are confronted with concrete, accurate facts on the environmental and social effects of our oil boom. I know it was a sobering experience for me.

The Ramblings of a Mature Student

These days, I find myself pondering the meaning of life and all that happens within the years of our living. Perhaps this is because I am older and more mature, and beginning to wonder where my life is going to take me. At 25 years of age, I am slightly older than many of my university comrades who have arrived just out of high school. I realize that I am by no means considered too "old" to be here, but some days I feel old! This could be because many of my peers are finished school, have jobs, houses, spouses...basically they have lives! I have school work and studying! I never pictured myself as a person who bends to social constructions or norms regarding the make-up of society, rather I fancied myself to have a fierce independant streak, breaking the rules wherever they may constrain me. Ha! These little tidbits that are ingrained in us from children are starting to chip away at my self-realization a tad bit. I am starting to feel a little worried that I am not close to marriage or even a seriously committed relationship. I feel self-conscious that I still live at home, even if it is a financially sound decision keeping me out of taking student loans. I look at my little nephew and feel the maternal stirrings of someone who wants to be a mother someday. I will be 26 years old in under two months and my identity is still fixed in the role of a student! I know I should be enjoying my youth, freedom, and little responsibility while I can, because once a husband and kids set in, I will probably be wishing for some of my old life back. But that is the dilemma of being young, isn't it? We want to grow up so fast and have everything perfect at once. Then when we get what we want, we either want more, or we wish back all the things we took for granted in the past. Perhaps if I could just see into the future and know my life is heading in the direction I want it to be, I could relax and enjoy what I have right now!

My Last Midterm Rush

The process of university that begins for me each September is unique with each new class, but yet, is also strangely familiar. The first month is pretty relaxed as exam dates, assignments and course material are finalized. I will start reading my material to ease myself into the topic of each new class, and dream of the last day of the semester almost four months away. It's funny how the completion date of the courses seem so distant in that first month.

As October rolls around, the midterm rush is suddenly on! Exams come up quickly and assignments that did not seem due for ages, are quickly becoming a reality. I dread the cramming and sleep deprivation that comes with midterm week. I wish I was one of those people who could say "enough is enough" and put down their books and go to bed early before an exam. Instead, I stay up until the morning hours forcing as much information into my head as possible, feeling the pressure of the impending doom. It is not uncommon for me to get three hours of sleep a night until the hellish week is over. My incessant need to work under pressure, combined with the uneasiness of not knowing what to expect as each professor structures their exams and expectations in a different way, leaves me winded by the end of the week.

As much as I dread the hard work of preparing for midterms, Friday afternoon brought with it a sense of accomplishment, as I felt I did reasonably well on all of my exams. I savoured the feeling over the entire weekend of doing absolutely nothing related to school work. Alas, Monday morning cooled my post midterm 'glow', as it brought with it the hard realities of midterm scores and the ever closer due dates of term paper assignments.

The thought that this is my last real semester of university before my APT placement and graduation in the spring keeps me working on!